Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You
(By Meg Josephson)
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| Author | Meg Josephson |
Are you...
- Constantly worried about what people think of you, if they like you, if they’re mad at you?
- Anxious, a perfectionist, or an overachiever?
- Always overextending yourself (and then resentful)?
- Someone who avoids conflict at all costs?
- Fearful of getting into trouble or being seen as “bad”?
- Silencing your needs for the comfort and happiness of everyone else?
- Prone to overexplain or over apologize?
- Eternally obsessing over why someone texted with a period instead of an exclamation point?
Psychotherapist Meg Josephson is here to show you that people-pleasing is not a personality trait. It’s a common survival mechanism known as “fawning”: an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. Are You Mad at Me? weaves Josephson’s own moving story with that of fascinating client stories and thought-provoking exercises to show you how to:
- Identify all the roles you might play—from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon—that keep you far from yourself.
- Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they’re unpleasant.
- Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection.
- Practice “leaning back” in relationships.
- Recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it’s not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns.
- Shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you’re used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you—but brings you joy.
With Josephson’s “lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies” (Publishers Weekly), Are You Mad at Me? will help you shed the behaviors that are keeping you stuck in the past so that you can live in your most authentic present.”
