What Is Compersion?: Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships (Diverse Sexualities, Genders, and Relationships)
(By Marie Thouin)
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Based on her seminal research with consensually non-monogamous (CNM) individuals, Dr. Marie Thouin unravels these questions and more in the first-ever book to offer a comprehensive model of compersion and a practical road map to cultivating it. Each chapter features compelling stories from real CNM people, making this a captivating and highly applicable read. In addition, Thouin addresses the broader social context, explaining how understanding compersion is a groundbreaking step toward a world that supports relational diversity and freedom. By disrupting the idea that jealousy is the only valid response to intimacy beyond monogamy, the existence and practice of compersion builds the foundation for a completely new paradigm of loving relationships. This book and its conclusions have profound implications for many fields of study and practice including psychology, sexuality studies, philosophy and ethics, and law. Indispensable for CNM individuals, therapists, counselors, and scholars, this book is also invaluable for anyone curious to learn about positive empathy, intentional relationships, and radical love.
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Dr. Marie Thouin’s not just a researcher, she's a philosopher. In her remarkable new book, What Is Compersion?, Thouin unlocks the transformative potential of the simple act of noticing how the joy you can receive from your partner’s delight can empower you in so many ways, serving to disempower jealousy and territoriality. Thouin’s research demonstrates how the world could look from the point of view of compersion, and how taking joy in your partner’s (or friend’s or relations of any kind’s) happiness can bring joy to you in all of your relationships.
If you are a seeker of sexual freedom and clean love, as I hope you are, for heaven’s sake read this book. And then go shine the light of compersion on your lovers, friends, family, and everyone you care about.
— Dossie Easton, LMFT, coauthor with Janet W. Hardy of The Ethical Slut
Who knew compersion comprised an entire universe? This book is absolutely riveting! I just kept turning the page because I could not wait to find out what Marie Thouin was going to say next about compersion! I promise you that you will be up all night reading all 278 pages of this fantastic book, as you will not be able to put it down! This is truly the complete story and covers everything you ever wanted to know about compersion, plus a lot more knowledge that you didn't even realize you absolutely needed.
— Kathy Labriola, counselor, nurse, author of Polyamorous Aging in Open Relationships
Drawing from solid research, Thouin breaks down the nuts and bolts of how compersion actually works—the mindset, context, and special sauce that facilitate this often misunderstood concept. Whether you're non-monogamous yourself, a professional helping clients, or just a curious human, this book is an essential look at the potential of our hearts to share in each other's joy. Thouin's work pushes us to explore uncharted territory in how we experience intimacy and connection.
— Dedeker Winston, author of Essential Tools for Modern Relationships and The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory
Marie Thouin has been at the vanguard of compersion research for a decade, and her book is destined to become a classic. What Is Compersion? boldly and compassionately presents both the first evidence-based model of compersion and a plethora of practical tools to cultivate this jealousy-transforming positive emotion in everyday life. Regardless of whether you lean toward monogamy or polyamory (or somewhere in-between), this groundbreaking book will assist you to achieve freer and more-fulfilling intimate relationships—and to open your heart beyond what both culture and history have considered possible.
— Jorge N. Ferrer, PhD, author of Love and Transcending Monogamy and Polyamory
Marie Thouin offers a deep and compelling dive into compersion as it is understood and experienced by people in consensually non-monogamous relationships. The voices of her research participants come through loud and clear, and Thouin handles their experiences with nuance, clarity, and empathy. There is much about all relationships, not just consensually non-monogamous ones, to glean from this important book. Whether you are currently practicing consensual non-monogamy, curious about consensual non-monogamy, or want to bring positive empathy to your monogamous relationship, this book is a must-read.
— Mimi Schippers, Tulane University; author of Polyamory, Monogamy, and American Dreams and Beyond Polamory and the Future of Polyqueer Sexualities
One of the most difficult aspects of approaching consensual non-mono...”
